| guess who's back |
[07 Nov 2007|08:29pm] |
and bringing back the livejournal...
more to come after my shower!
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| he's intriguing |
[21 Nov 2006|10:58pm] |
the snow
hear the sound
hitting the ground
whispers of the crystals
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| hungover & in the mood for a survey |
[20 Nov 2006|02:10am] |
1.You and Jesus go out to dinner - who pays?
i suppose that after all my people did to him, i oughta pay...i hear that i'm kind sometimes.
2. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently?
easy...ohio....
3. You wake up as the opposite gender what's the one thing you wanna try?
eggo mini waffles
4. What's an automatic deal breaker in a potential significant other?
don't be a slut.
5. What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you?
wizard of oz was on tbs the other night.
6. You're sentenced to death and its the morning of your execution, what do you want to eat?
i'd eat some magical mushrooms.
7. What's something that a lot of people do that you've never done?
pray to jesus...sorry buddy.
8. Before you die where do you want to go?
nepal, uzbekistan, croatia, antarctica, lithuania to name a few
9. Something you'd really like to do but probably won't ever be able to do?
win a hot dog eating contest
10. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet?
why an elephant of course
11. A drug you'll never try?
never is an extreme word.
12. If you were an animal what would you be?
peacock
13. What's something most people don't know about you?
i'm a magicman
14. Worst way to die?
freak accident
15. Grossest injury you've ever seen?
i really have not seen any.
16. The worst injury you've ever had?
when i got my right ear ripped off.
17. What city in the U.S. do you want to visit?
portland
18. What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about?
evolution
19. What makes an awesome party?
bitches. blunts. forties.
20. What's your material obsession?
my blanky.
21. Favorite kind of dog?
huskies are pretty fucking sexy
22. Worst drunken habit?
well i don't think its my worst, but some might.
23. It's Saturday at 3am where are you?
packin' bowls
24. Worst job you've ever had?
a&c
25. What's something your friends make fun of you for?
i have a tendancy to say the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times.
26. What's the meanest thing you've ever done?
probably giving the sister a bloody nose.
27. Ever fallen out of love?
absolutely.
28. What's the largest age difference between yourself and some one you dated?
10 yrs...more?
29. Have you ever dated someone you met online?
haha totally.
30. Have you ever dated/fooled around with a coworker?
i guess castmates are coworkers.
31. Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years or more?
you bet i do.
32. Would you tell your parents if you're gay?
i tell them all the time.
33. Do you walk around the house naked?
more than i'm clothed.
34. Where was your first kiss with your current significant other?
stacey and i kiss all the time.
35. Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
i'unno
36. Why did your last relationship fail?
a 3some went too far.
37. Are you afraid of commitment?
yes indeeedy
38. What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?
i'm open to the idea.
39. Are you a jealous person?
eh. not so much. yes. maybe.
40. Does it get annoying when somebody says they'll call you, but doesn't?
not at all
41. If someone you had no interest in dating, expressed interest in you, what would you do/say?
cause it happens ALL the time.
42. What would you rather be doing right now?
getting high and having sex.
43. Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex?
notreally one over the other.
44. Can others make you cry easily?
im not quite sure i remember how to cry.
45. Who was the last person to piss you off?
this kid who robbed my house.
46. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
at lurst 6
47. Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive?
allll the time.
48. What personality trait is a must-have in the opposite sex?
soul.
49. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
absolutely. marry? probably not.
50. Have you ever dated one of your best friends?
the last guy i dated was.
51. When was the last time someone hit on you?
marelli hits on me all the time. she loves me.
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[25 Jun 2006|03:03am] |
well that was embarrassing.
do you ever feel that it will never happen.
and as much as other say it not you, maybe it is.
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| la laaaa |
[01 May 2006|02:31pm] |
oh i enjoy procrastination.
currently in a comp lab next to my dear pal quinny listening to some groovy music.
i have a final in 2 hours. i have a feeling that i am not prepared for it.
saturday night i did the global night commute here. it was a grand old time. basically every single night in uganda, children commute from their homes to a shelter miles away in order to hide from the child abductors of the Lord Rebel's Army (LRA). Invisible Children is a documentary telling this story. Go to their site and learn more about it. www.invisiblechildren.com anyways, 130 cities over the world reenacted this "commute" to raise awareness about this travesty in africa. here in state college we had about 200 people. worldwide (thanks to Oprah and the badass caravans traveling around) there were over 50,000 heads doin it. holler
the night was so much fun. a bunch of us took our sleeping bags and camped out in a parking lot on allen street. we listened to sweet indie bands perform at 2 am, watched the film, ate stolen panera bread from the dumpster, and snuck onto a random football field and played like little kids. i love these people. in all truths, i am sad this semester is over. i wish that the beginning of the semester didn't suck so much because now that it rocks, it's almost over. sad.
i signed up to go to connecticut (berkshire mountains) next week for a chabad retreat. probably 4 days of brainwashing. i guess it's not brainwashing if i'm actually interested in the concept (of chabad not brainwashing). it will be soul nourishing.
so the parentals are totalllyy against the whole nepal, tibet abroad. and because i respect them i am looking elsewhere for programs. there is a public health program in south africa that looks sweet as all hell. there i can work with street children, orphans, and pregnant momma's and infants while capturing the essence of AFRICA! which is one BAD ASS continent.
life can be quite dichotomous. right now i am so happy that i taste it and feel great about life and the future. at the same time, i look in the mirror and want to kill the body i see. what's up with that. of course it is that time of the month and i'm a bloated mess. but it drives me insane because i am so contradictory with my self. i wish there was a healthy way of getting through this besides waiting for it to subside. ....i complain much.
maybe i'll eat an apple.
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[21 Mar 2006|11:15pm] |
hard to believe it's been over a month since i writ last. and so much has happened!
spring break: how do i begin to explain the eye-opening, life-changing experience i had. going down to the dominican republic made me take on a new perspective of life. never have i been in complete seclusion of a fluent english speaker, a written english word or white skin. but more importantly, i witnessed the peril of the country. young boys younger than my own brother who have lived a life i know he will never have to go through. Drugs: crack, cocaine Abuse: sexual, emotion, physical, prostitution...Beds of sand with no blankets
i see that america has our own problems. i see that we have a president that cares more about power and pride than the lives of others. i see that rhinetone encrusted cell phones and million dollar cars is the result of having more money than one knows what to do with it. what i don't understand is why it is 2006 and there are still millions upon millions of children without food in their bellies, a bed to sleep in, medicine for their common illnesses and of course, education. we have the resources here in america. MOREEE than enough money...we are greedy..that an ignorant to what else is going on in the world.
i feel like i lived in a bubble for 20 years.
so it looks like my plans are minorly changing for next spring. i still am planning to go abroad but instead of doing a semester only in Nepal, I've chosen one that is based in Tibet and throughout the semester we spend period of time in India, Nepal and a secluded country called Bhutan. I'll stay with a rural family in Tibet for some of it, get to hike in the Himilayas, spend weeks camping (instead of staying in hotels), and then for 4 weeks of independent study I can choose any of the countries to do my project in. Badass.
i am happy to be me right now.
sincerely
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| heeey must be the money |
[20 Feb 2006|06:40pm] |
it's pretty cold out. and i was a crazy by walking around in my shorts.
something about spring semesters result in my lack of motivation. seriously, i just can not get it together. i got nothing for ya. i am considering going back to my friend mary juana.
if only i could afford to be with her. and they say that nature is free.. bah.
my hair keeps breaking. i might shave my head...once it gets warm out. cause i shaved my legs for the first time in..hm maybe 8 weeks and i swear that i was extra cold.
i had a dream last night...again...with him....we had amazing (unprotected) sex. he was an animal! rawwwrr...it's crazy because of course there is the unfinished business going on..but as much as i'd like to make the closure, i don't...there's no need...so i suppose i'll have to deal with the mindblowing dreams. eh. there are worse things in life, i suppose.
sometimes i see all blue. and then the sun comes out.
i'm confused by my music taste recently. i think that it really mirrors the state my mind is in. all over the fucking place. ill go from african tribal music, to oochie wally wally to merengue and mana, to some crazy electronic french shit...and of course the classics: led and crew.
where the hell am i these days.
i'm done with it all.
i'm the king of bongo, baby, i'm the king of bongo bong
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[17 Feb 2006|08:00am] |
hey sillies
i would like to update
it's amazing how weather affects me so much...i was in SUCH a slump the past several weeks when the sun refused to show its face.
and this week i've been in euphoria!...ah the glories of depression and seasonal affective disorder
so, if all goes to plan this will be my last winter in state college. hoping to go abroad my final semester here. ive always had a fascination with Nepal. and since the Peace Corps suspended their program there, that is where I choose to spend next spring. riding elephants, hiking the himilayas and playing with the street children.
so the count issssssss 15 days til DOMINICAN REPUBLIC!!!! i can...not.....wait....and what's even more sweet is that the people going are totally rad. i seriously could not have asked for a greater group of people...and it's nice that there are only 10 of us so that we can get intimate. not like baking 1200 cookies and taking aunt jemima's vaginas shots together isn't..
basically in the days we'll be driven into the village where the boys are (dominican children who are "homeless" and can't afford education, homes, etc.) and we'll be playing soccer with them, helping them learn about safety and multi-purpose activities..oh and most importantly giving them the >7000 bucks we raised for them to build their shelter....
and then at night we'll have time to hit los baros and marengue clubs. spadlers friend taught it to me. but these hips won't have it...no good at hips.
which reminds me...seeing my girls last weekend was INSANE. I love. love. love. love. love. them. got damn. i don't want ari to move to LA :-(
well. thats it for now...i shall get ready for class...oh yeah, and my exam which i am in no where near prepared for...indeed.
www.invisiblechildren.com SERIOUSLY! interested in child's rights? want to get involved? they came to PSU and i was moved beyond belief. I'm trying to get them hooked up at NYU. Elysia?
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[01 Feb 2006|11:43am] |
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mood |
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 random |
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i can't seem to get myself in order today. i'm all over the place. i can't say i'm a big fan of being out of control.
so my roommate sarah has been addicted to crack lately. and by crack i mean myspace (well she calls it crack). so i checked it out to see what the big fuss was and low and behold found some people i knew. i must say..this rose some opinions in me. i wrote a whole shitload about it yesterday in my pen/paper journal, but seriously people....how can a person with such uneducated and ignorant opinions post them for everyone to read and then go on with life?
people aim to stray from labels daily. in fact, by creating this so called myspace site and practically yelling at the top of your lungs that you wish to be label free and accept the world as who they are and then claim to hate america is pure hippocracy. you are your own enemy! you are the america you choose to hate! and i don't care if i'm making any sense. I know that there is some fucked up shit going on in this country, but without facts and truths I don't have any right to sit and bitch about propoganda.
if you want change in the country, get off your fucking ass and do it. remember that old saying "be the change you wish to see in the world" ?? don't sit and wait for it to happen while you critisize. get in school. get a job. get your own got damn opinion for once. and don't say that you accept everyone, when you can't even accept yourself! you say you don't care what others think? BULL SHIT. let's be honest here...you created this site just so that people could kiss your dirty toes and make you feel better about the sad life you lead. i don't hate you. not one bit. just recognize that you're full of shit, please. there's a time and place to create self-awareness. don't dupe the public with your insanity of pure ignorance.
in other news...my ipod has cancer. it is metasticizing. and i am saddened by it.
since i've stopped smoking pot, all my insecurities have decided to play leading lady in my dreams. i suppose i need to deal with them then?
luke divorced me yesterday. it's been long in the making. i want alamony. man. separation sucks.
and now...i'm spent...off to learn about child psychopathology.
and off to make a fool of myself.
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[11 Jan 2006|06:00pm] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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there is something about the smell of the transition between winter to spring that is just so unique and unlike any other changing season. it reminds me of the smell of a newborn baby. this burst of life with so much potential to bring beauty and happiness into the world. Spring and Summer to me are just glorious
....scent is amazing...it will never change no matter how many years may pass.
JV Spring soccer team, Dashboard Confessional, late night kissing, and corn chips
this so called "dating game" has got me constantly thinking about my life. i do, however, know some basics.
a. i'm realizing now how important COMFORT is. if he can make me feel completely comofortable, and we have that connection, it's gold. i think religion can be intertwined in there as well...comfort is important in any type of relationship: not just romantic.
b. i hate to say it but....sex.....is so important.......my last boyfriend who i was definitely en route to being EXTREMELY comfortabe with, was just...well...awful...and that was pretty much the demise. anyone who waits til they are married...well, you are nuts...and it's just not right. (on a relationship level)
classes are going well...i need my head examined....i have three 400-level psych classes on the same day (thrice a week) which will seriously kick me in my ass.
and i almost had a panic attack last night at our first research lab meeting. the head of the lab (professor, doctor, etc.) is amazing and so intelligent, but here I am thinking I'll be doing data collection, when really i'll be doing actual research for her grant proposal. um...WHAT??!?? i haven't even had my research methods class yet. damn you stacey
i am drinking pink water.
and my feet smell terribly due to my lack of rememberance in bringing a pair of socks with me to the gym yesterday..and now after today's work out, i am paying dearly...
CHOOSE GREEN
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[04 Jan 2006|04:05pm] |
i went to the vagina doctor this morning...my uterus is tilted so it took her awhile to dig up and find it
pleasant.
i have to get a bone scan on friday to make sure my bones didn't deteriorate any from when i was ill
i'm horny.
i think the hardest part about being home is that i put on the lbs....i know that everyone does, but it's just so uncomfortable to be so out of touch with my body. ive been reminded that once i get back to school, and back in my routine they'll come off, but in the mean time it's just not easy. and my obsessive compulsive personality does not help it.
NEW YEARS EVE was a blast. I had such a grand time. I love my friends. I wish there was a way to put it all into words how amazing they are. Going back to school will be hard in that I will be alone without them and my family always being around me. I do value my independence and "alone time," but it's so special being around people who love you constantly.
I may be coming to terms that its possible I won't get married. "My name is Stacey and I have commitment issues. " hiiiiiii staaaceeeeyyy! I do want children though. (however, i wonder with a tilted uterus will it be harder to become pregnant? that could also be a good thing ;) ) I just need to work on some things.
ciao.
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| cause I feel like it... |
[27 Dec 2005|08:24pm] |
I'm updating.
Home is Home. Two weeks left. I'll be ready. I'm pretty much there.
Someone make a decision for me about New Years. I'm hearing Philli, NYC, or Harrisburg.
I had the best time in Philli last week. Nat's 21st! Went to the bars in Olde City and I don't think I even got carded. I got smashed though. It was so nice to be with the two loves of my life and a group of girls for a change.
I picked up a handful of guys. My trick was to act like I was English..
I have a terrible English Accent.
40 yr old virgin is a hilarious movie.
I really don't mind seeing people from High School Days. Cause frankly, I don't give a shit what anyone thinks about me or my life. I'm satisfied with it. Plus, you realize when your home how many people like the bud. And it's always a plus getting some sexy nugs of heddies.
Guess who got a new bowl? And no, not Martha Stewart.
Speaking at Hotel Belmont was an experience. I don't really feel like going into more detail. But it was nice feeling to see first hand that I've accomplished something. I think I shocked a lot of drs./staff/people who probably never thought I'd make it. Fuckin' right, ho's...
I spoke about Mary to the girls. How it kills. As I told them how much I loved her, one of the lights flickered off for about 3 seconds and back on. I knew she was there with me. We all did. The staff misses her just as much as myself. It's nice to know she will live on in all our thoughts.
I miss him...
I really do...
He misses cuddling...
And I'm going to study abroad in Amsterdam. Ho-ly-shit!! No words can describe my excitement...
So I'll leave it at that.
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[24 Dec 2005|01:42am] |
Hi Stacey,
I just wanted to thank you again for your EXCELLENT presentation
yesterday. All of the feedback I've gotten from the community has been
extremely favorable, with people talking about you being
"inspirational," "thought-provoking" and "positively glowing." I hope
you'll consider doing it again sometime.
You don't have to get back on the stage. You're a rock star in your
everyday life! Dr. L
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| snowed in - in the bubble |
[16 Dec 2005|10:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 girly |
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so i'm done with this semester.
it's bitter sweet.
this was the best semester ever.
going home is like leaving summer camp!
i was supposed to leave last night, but alas state college got slammed with the wrath of winter and i ended up dragging my suitcase and laundry around for a few hours until i accepted the fact i was going to spend the night here.
but little did i know that my boys were still going to be here too!!!! lukey, joshy, chewy and their friend zack and i at like 6 30 just started slamming beers and shots of ginger brandy with ray charles belting ballads in the background.
then we were on a mission to kick some crackhead ass, so we froliced around the snowy town of state college drunk off our asses at like 8 oclock terrorizing every person we ran into. i dont think it hit us that is was only 8 oclock and people were still coming home from finals (or even going to take a final) or just going to get some study food. but we for sure pissed a lot of people off...
i threw my body down on the streets like 8 hundred times and now my neck hurts...i wanted to see how far i'd slide...and then i fell for real and cracked my head.
boys are really different than girls...its absolutely incredible...pride....maturity...everything! i definitely have a vagina...no question about it....i think boys are great, don't get me wrong...they are the most fun i've had in my whole life...but we are just completely different
at one point the boys decided to go outside and create a sled out of the Welcome Mat and a trashbag...when that failed they used a lawn chair...but the cutest part about it was they all worked together and looked like a bobsled team...i guess you had to be there...moral of the story: boys are hilariously...different
on that note: pigs are friends not food
and then i crashed
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[14 Dec 2005|12:00am] |
i look like shit in the W magazine shot they chose
which is funny because it's not even one of the ones they had me hair/made up for.
it was just a random shot outside that they wanted to check the lighting for.
just shows: the business SUCKS. I'm happy I got the hell out.
I will choose not to be depressed. Thank goodness for my Psychology degree. Cause I'm an ugly motha'fucka.
I'm just being down on myself today. Doing well on finals...Just feel like shit I suppose
i'm exhausted yet restless
i don't want to miss anything whilst i close mine eyes
but what is there to miss here?
the process of macadam freezing through overnight dew
raw
human
happiness
thats me says the peepers
she's right.
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[30 Nov 2005|02:56pm] |
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i have these days where i just have no idea about anything. I try to understand myself, but alas it is merely impossible. I guess that it is part of being whatever the hell I am: human? Yesterday I awoke as one corner of a love triangle. Amidst the stormy gray mountain sky, my raindrops consisted of seashells, dreadlocks, and sweet nothings written in spanish prose.
Is it possible to realize that you love someone once you find out that someone else is in love with you? Or is simply an excuse to not deal with the fact of not being interested?
It once developed into a crush. But maybe I'm denying the fact that I am consumed by love itself. Or a state of deep infatuation. I don't want him. I never did. Ah me.
I think that I was supposed to be a rock star and got put in the wrong body. Or maybe I just wish I were a rockstar. I spelled ONYX in scrabble yesterday.
Where is the hidden path that leads to nowhere? I want to trail off into an unknown abyss away from deep coughs and dyed orange skin: seeking pleasure from the crunching of the yellow leaves that electricity attracts to the soles of my feet. Do you remember when you owned my thoughts? Sometimes I feel your death numbed my skin. My eyes. I wish I could express the deep reds and green that inhabit my mind or the tears that won't escape my ducts, no matter how hard I try.
I'm done with that.
It's crisp out. Time for a honeycrisp.
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| has anyone ever had a panic attack? |
[22 Nov 2005|12:36pm] |
i may have had my first real panic attack last night. if you've had one, tell me if these symptoms match up.
First I got real nauseated and the room was spinning a bit, but the person i was talking to, his voice was like very loud and unblockable. Then my heart started pounding like crazy, and i thought it was going to jump out of my chest. I stand up and my legs are all numb, can't feel them and they start shaking uncontrollably. My hands got clammy and shook as well. They felt almost as if they'd been used for 8 days straight and could only shake due to exhaustion. But during the whole time, I was almost sure I was going to throw up, pass out, and die at the same time....i think it may have lasted about 5 minutes? i dono..i wasn't aware of the time or in any mental state to time it.
pretty freakin' intense i tell you.
goin home today. i can't wait to see/love my family and ari! i wish sar was home..
and jeremy will be in harrisburg visiting family, so i'll definitely have a good state college buddy home as well.
i plan on doing nothing but eat, play scrabble, shop and be merry. homework won't exist until Sunday when I return. The end.
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| just let me be happy for one second! |
[18 Nov 2005|03:04pm] |
so i got an email today saying thaaatttttttt
i made the cut to be in W Magazine!
but more excitingly I got myself a WHOLE PAGE...
one word: HOLLER
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| ohhh the irony |
[11 Nov 2005|01:01am] |
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i move to new york for exposure. i get no biters. i move to state college for education. i get a bite. life has a funny way of working. i got a really cool "job" per se that i know all you NYU people would like to hear about. this is how it all began:
i'm walking to the gym one night a few weeks ago and these 2 girls stopped me claiming they were from W Magazine and were doing a spread on college kids and they picked PSU to do the spread on blah blah blah...they take a few poloroids of me get my info etc. and i went on my merry way not taking them seriously.
tuesday night i get a call from a lady saying that they were having callbacks for this W Magazine Photoshoot and they wanted me there at 5 15 pm to take a few photos. Wear your own clothes.
so i went. i waited in the waiting room with a diversee group of people. lots of exotic looking girls and shaggy haired guys along with your jock looking guy and filled out a release. male divas in leaher jackets and an english accents froliced across the room checking out the victims in the room, grabbing a pellegrino and going back into the studio. i was like "this is why i left the business"...i waited 3 hours....anxiety arose...what the hell is this. i dont even care. this is why i hated auditioning. anticipation!!! finally i get pulled into the studio followed two starving ladies with british accents. into a "dressing room" which resembled the "VOGUE closet" from sex and the city. Manolos up to my ears and luis vuitton to my belly button.
the one lady says to the other, "put her in the gucci". next thing i know my clothes are off and thi s gorgeous dress is on my body.
and then the shoooessss....they put on these diamond encrusted flats. and then back in the line waiting for my turn to meet the photographer. annyyywaayyssss..to make a long story short. i get up and meet the photoman. and i was just so sick of sitting and waiting i just did a little crazy dance because i was so restless. and he seemed to like it so he shot away and then the hair guy started making my hair all big and then photographer was just like "come back tomorrow, we'll do hair and makeup for you, i know exactly what i want to do with you"....
so thats my story.... i dont care so much as being in the magazine but that i was prancing around in a like $1500-2000 dress and like $300 shoes...awesome...and i guess it could be a cool thing to show the grandkids....see grandma didn't always have a saggy ass
annyywaayss....thats it for me. so much crazy shit (besides that) happened i dont even know how to begin thinking.
my life is a hole.
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